Why I Suddenly Became Picky

Mum, Dad, or the adult who looks after me... can I let you in on a secret? I promise I didn't just wake up one morning and decide to make your life harder, even though I know it totally feels that way.

One week I'm happily munching on carrots, and the next week I act like they're poisonous. Last month I loved pasta, and this month I won't even look at it. It’s confusing for you, and honestly, it’s a bit confusing for me too! But most of the time, this is just a completely normal part of growing up.

My Brain Is Changing

As I start getting a bit more independent, usually right around my second birthday, my brain goes through a massive shift. I start walking, climbing, and exploring. Suddenly, I can reach all sorts of interesting things, like leaves, flowers, berries, sticks, and whatever else I can get my little hands on! Now that I'm mobile and can get into absolutely everything, my brain naturally switches on a little security guard to keep me safe.

The science guys call this food neophobia. That is just a fancy name to explain that my brain is running a full "stranger-danger" background check on my dinner plate. Think of it as a tiny, over-dramatic security guard who treats a piece of broccoli like an absolute threat.

• When it hits: It almost always kicks in between 18 months and 2 years old.

• When it peaks: It peaks between ages 2 and 6.

• The long game: It slowly fades away as I get older.

Look, if a food looks unfamiliar, I’m instantly suspicious. Apparently, scientists think this sneaky little instinct is what kept cave-toddlers from wandering off and eating toxic glowing berries. So really, by turning my nose up at your home-cooked dinner, I’m basically practicing ancient, life-saving survival skills. You're welcome.

Being highly cautious around food is totally normal for heaps of us tiny humans. It doesn't mean you’ve failed as a parent, and it definitely doesn't mean I’m going to be a picky eater forever. I’m just sussing things out first.

Please Don't Pressure Me

I know you just want me to eat the "healthy" stuff, and I know you are only trying to look after me. But if you get annoyed, frustrated, or try to bribe and bargain me into taking just one bite around this stage, it completely backfires.

When I feel rushed, pressured, or like I have to force it down just to keep the peace, my brain completely locks up. Instead of thinking, "Ooh, I wonder what this tastes like?" my internal security guard panics, sets off the alarm, and sends me straight into survival mode. Suddenly, my only thought is, "How on earth do I break out of this highchair?" Then my brain starts linking that specific food to feeling totally stressed out, which is exactly how a difficult and complicated relationship with food gets started.

Curiosity

Curiosity is my absolute best teacher, but pressure is like having a loud backseat driver shouting directions while I’m trying to concentrate. Honestly, do you learn best when someone is micro-managing your every move, or when you feel trusted to just figure it out?

I Need Time to Get to Know New Things

Think about meeting someone new. You probably don't become best mates in the first five minutes, eh? You get to know and trust them over time, and food is exactly the same for me. Sometimes I need to see a food heaps of times before it starts to feel familiar and safe.

The first time, I might just look at it. The next time, I might sniff it. Another day, I might touch it, and eventually, I might be ready for a tiny taste, just like the sensory ladder steps we talked about in our first blog post!

What about that a child must be offered a new food X amount of times for them to accept it?

The research shows that us kids often need heaps of relaxed chances to check out a food before we'll actually swallow it. Because every single one of us is built differently, the timeline can change completely depending on how we process the world:

• For neurotypical explorers: It often takes about 8 to 15 times of seeing and interacting with a food before it starts to feel familiar.

• For neurodivergent explorers: If my brain happens to be wired a little uniquely, like if I am autistic or have ADHD, that 8 to 15 times rule completely flies out the window. My nervous system is extra-tuned into the world around me, which means new things can feel a lot more intense. It might take 50, 100, or even more relaxed exposures before a food stops looking like a threat and starts looking like dinner.

There isn't a magic number. What matters most is that I get to keep learning on my own timeline, without ever feeling pressured.

Every Little Bit Counts

Sometimes grown-ups only celebrate when I eat everything without fuss. But my brain is celebrating a whole bunch of other massive milestones along the way!

• The first time I let broccoli just sit on my plate without having a tantrum.

• The first time I touched it or picked it up.

• The first time I smelt it.

• That very first tiny nibble.

Those are all huge wins. So if I only poked the mushroom today, please don't think it was a waste of time. My brain just learnt that the mushroom isn't quite as scary as it was yesterday, and that is progress.

Kai's Question:

Have you ever tried a food as an adult that you absolutely hated the first time... but years later you loved it? Olives, maybe? Or coffee?

Sometimes our brains just need time to get used to new things. Mine does too. Please don't give up on me after one "No thanks." Tomorrow is just another chance to give it a go.